Maybe He Should Try Forks

The original bat suit can’t protect him against dog bites?  What?  Wait, it can withstand bullets, but it can’t protect against dog bites.  The new one is easier to move in and protects him better from dog bites (maybe, this was never clarified), but no longer even partially protects him from bullets.  He’s one of the richest men in the country, he can coordinate huge government contracts which somehow allow him to appropriate the signals of 30 million cell phones in Gotham city (nevermind that the sonar thing is totally and completely unrealistic), but apparently he can’t afford a decent bat suit that BOTH let’s him turn his head AND protects his body the same as the first one.

So one would think that given this degradation of bat suit quality, there’s a prime opportunity in the movie for the addition of cool new gadgets.  Ya know – to make up for the stupidity.  What we get is: some sharp stuff that shoots out of his gloves.  Wow, cool.  Sharp things that fly out of the forearms of his gloves.  And the Bat Pod (motorbike) which lasted all of a single segment before getting trashed because, although he could control it enough to do a 180 against a wall, he can’t keep from crashing it when trying to avoid smashing into The Joker.

I almost forgot – we also got the amazing new addition of a short-lived hydraulic glove which allows him to bend steel… only in the first minutes of the movie.

So in anticipation of Batman 3 (or is it 6?), here are some thoughts for new gadgets and costume ideas:

  • Taser guns, so he can keep The Joker from getting close enough to beat him nearly bare-handed when endless ninjas can’t
  • Mace, so when The Joker or a small child with an attitude does manage to get too close he can distract them long enough to run like a bat out of hell
  • A stick, so he can hit people and inflict actual damage – like causing blood to come out of their face (apparently as the interrogation room scene shows us, his fists can’t make blood come out of The Joker’s face even when he punches him dead-on and hard multiple times)
  • A piece of steak so he can distract ravenous puppies
  • A muzzle – not for puppies but for himself so that nobody has to listen to his rock-gargling voice as batman

I know it’s a lot of expensive-sounding gadgetry, especially for a billionaire, but we’ve got to suspend SOME disbelief, OK?

Bookmark and Share

19 Responses to “Maybe He Should Try Forks”

  1. [...] Original post by The Dark Knight Sucks [...]

  2. So, I dont even have to read what you have wrote to know that you have wasted so much time and effort into ruining one of the most solid movies in history. The seats are still selling out even in a place like backwater NH and will continue to pile up for the next few weeks. The simple fact is that even people who do not care for batman enjoy this sickeningly thrilling 2 and a half hour display of twists and turns that play with the viewers’ mind. I wholeheartedly declare that seeing it was worth every dime i spent. For arguments sake i did read most of your commentary on why “the dark knight sucks”.

  3. So the “batpod” only lasted one segment huh? That’s funny because I remember him driving it to find Dent, Alfred asking him if he wanted to drive it or the lambo, and batman driving off on it at the end of the film. Just one of many things that weren’t accurate in your little rant.

  4. Yeah, the whole 8.7 other seconds it appeared on screen were breathtaking. And at what appeared to be a speed of 20mph, truly memorable.

  5. You’d think it would just be called the Batcycle. He listens to Henry Rollins on his BatPod.

  6. I totally agree with you on that dog bite. That glove shit might have been something he was just trying out, but what he was trying to do with it was retarded. What could he have possibly hope to achieve cutting that part of the van? My best guess is making a solid grip for himself.

    But the crashing the Bat-pod I believe was intentional, so that the Joker would get close and Gordon could capture him, but we see later that the Joker wanted to be captured. And the Pod wasn’t destroyed, he was rocking that shit at the end of the movie.

    I noticed what you’re talking about with the Joker on my first view, but what I also noticed, thinking back on my first view is that when the dogs get on him the Joker is taking cheap shots at him with that pipe. This causes Batman’s new eye thing for that phone shit to malfunction on him, it messing with his ability to get his barrings. He then falls into that net and from there the Joker lets him get up – charges him and tackles him onto that platform and pins him down with whatever that thing was. From here it did what any movie does – exposition.

    I think this movie should have shown Batman fatigued a little bit in the Batsuit, maybe when he was by himself after a fight, in my opinion.

  7. P.s. – To avantsweater,

    It’s called the Bat-pod, because it’s like an escape pod from the Tumbler (which maybe shouldn’t have worked due to the fact that it was right were the Jokers rpg blasted). To call it the batcycle would be kind of corny and doesn’t really fit the realist take…sorry I should say the reality inspired take on the movies.

    FYI I really like the movie, but damn does it hurt to see somebody defending does more hurt then help. Not just you, but the majority of fools that comment on this site with idiotic ideas and half-baked thoughts.

  8. As much I as I like the film there are things I didn’t like. But that didn’t ruin this badass movie.

    Thekilleroftime the Bat-pod wasn’t where the rpg hit. The pod are the front two wheels. When he ejects you will notice that it has to straighten out.

    They didn’t have to much blood in this for a reason. Blood jacks up the rating. It would of been Rated R if they had blood in this.

    The new batsuit was created cause the old one was to heavy. He sacrificed his security for more mobility.

  9. The Dark Knight sucked rotten. Heath was wonderful. Bale sucked and he rarely EVER sucks. Gary Oldman is awesome but he was used as an EXPOSITION ROBOT. Maggie G was there for no reason except to blow up …the film was SHITE! It looked like shite and the script was shite and the acting didn’t boost it from the shite hole. IT SUCKED!
    On DVD with numerous bathroom and email breaks inbetween, the flick might be worth it.

  10. Also that horrible empty suit who has sucked since his debut in the Niel LeBute film…god who is that rotter? The guy was and remains a loser. TWO FACE? Screw that guy, he blows. I never ever want to see that ZERO in another movie. Who the hell cast that nothing?

    The Dark Knight SUCKS & BLOWS…

  11. Those fools need to watch BLADE RUNNER again and then again and then again before they ever attempt continuing this Darkness…

    The Dark Knight is a BOMB!

  12. DOG BITES? absolutely imbecilic…the movie sucks.
    But I said that already!

  13. [...] That Christian Bale Is So Hot Right Now Posted in random, video by amoslanka on August 1st, 2008 At least thats what Mugato would say. Even then, maybe he should try forks. [...]

  14. Right I just read you heart warming yet time wasting rant there and have to say you are the most critical or most bored person about.If you did not like this movie you really should stop watching moves,better yet tv and turn your attentions to radio because the dark night is one of the best movies out in years my friend. The acting was fantastic from everyone,the special effects were brilliant and the story line kept you guessing the whole way through as to wat the joker would do next.
    Now to your little complaints about the movie. Now I’ve seen the movie 3 times and it generally doesnt tell ya if the dogs hurt him wen they bit him but it doesnt say they didn’t either so,shut up. The bat-pod? you’re complaining because it was in one scene? Are you serious? It was in 2 but if you went just to see that you should have stayed at home,my god.
    Look I could sit here and type all night about the crap you wrote but I’m not going to bother because the movie is based on a comic and the cartoons. I know it doesn’t stick to it but thats what “based on” means so the directors take on it was pretty good. It’s suppose to border on belief,excite the imagination of the viewers,make people think, switch between reality and fiction because where in the name of god are you going to find someone dressed as a bat fighting crime. Thats what makes it brilliant, it’s a childish tale made given a more grown up feel for the people who loved batman as a child. However if you wish to sit here and bash and obviously good movie based on stupid little things like that I sugest not goin to see any spiderman,batman,superman,james bond or any super hero/bad guy good guy films in the near future because you’ll just ruin them for everyone else too.
    That’s all I have to say

    Peace out,

  15. Well as for the suit, kevlar is a bulletproof material, but that does not mean a dog could not chew through it, especially on one of the least armored areas of it-the arm. He got the new suit to reduce the amount of weight he was carrying, and to provide more mobility. Fox made him aware that the new suit was not as protective, and when he asked if it would protect against dogs, he was being sarcastic, which is why he got a sarcastic answer-”are we talking rottweilers or chiwawas?” Now im assuming that since Fox told Bruce that the suit was not as protective as the first suit, that it most likely was a level 1 body armor, which if you dont know provides protection against rounds such as 9mms and .45s, which have big bullets but not that much powder, which equals not that much penetration power. But when Harvey shoots his .357 magnum, a round that has a small bullet but with a lot of powder behind it(equaling great penetration power) it should not be hard at all to believe it would penetrate batmans suit, especially considering the extremely close range. Only higher levels of body armor protect against penetrating rounds like the .357 mag, and higher levels of body armor that actually do protect against rounds such as those, are very thick, dense, and heavy, exactly what Batman DID NOT want. “well we wouldnt want to make things too easy now would we?”

  16. I.e. the movie assumes that people watching it know something about guns and armor, since they dont
    have time to spell out every little thing to the ignorant.

    Look up body armor and protection against different types of attacks and you’l find that the qualities of the two types of bat suits fit within recognised theoretical standards (the batsuits are both better than real existing armor. Because he’s batman and has a heck load of money).

  17. Thank you Jac for that excellent explanation of kevlar to these ignorant people who are laughing about dog bites and just making themselves look like fools.

  18. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your criticism about the dog bite is a typical example of the great majority of your overall complaints about the film — lack of knowledge about the matter, misunderstanding what actually happened in the film/scene, forgetting something else in the film, etc.

    Bulletproof material is not usually puncture-resistant, they aren’t made of steel or something that bullets bounce off of. If you understood how they work, you’d know that Kevlar (the basis of Batman’s armor, as explained in “Batman Begins”) slows a bullet through the weave of the fibers being soft and actually “tangling” (to put it simply) the bullet up so as to slow it down and capture it before it hits the body. This makes the material vulnerable to puncture, such as dog bites.

    The new armor divides up the armor plates, so that it can sit atop a chain-mail suit underneath. Chain-mail will indeed protect against dog bites, and allows more maneuverability than the full armored suit. But to achieve this, the armor plates are separated and thus bullets might strike the areas between the plates. This is all actually explained by Fox when he shows Bruce the new suit, and if you’d paid any attention to “Batman Begins” and then this scene in “The Dark Knight”, you’d never have made the outlandish claim about the dog bite etc.

    So, a site seeking to find everything wrong with “The Dark Knight” tends to make one error of logic after another, based on insufficient knowledge about the topic you’re discussing, forgetting or ignoring things shown and discussed in the film, and misunderstanding or not remembering aspects of the film. In short, your site is silly and lacks credibility, and is a big mess of errors and falsehoods attempting to accuse film of errors and falsehoods. Pathetic.

  19. And the bat-pod appears in SEVERAL sequences — when it first ejects from the Tumbler for the subsequent chase sequence; then, when Batman leaves the Joker’s interrogation and rushes to save Rachel (Dent, in reality); then, at the end when he confronts Dent and saves James Jr. and runs from the cops.

    The pneumatic mangle on his glove (during the scene with the Scarecrow et al) is just a device that he used because he needed it in that fight, like the gun he uses to fire the explosives onto the windows in Hong Kong. He has items he carries and uses from time to time when he needs them — the mangle for example probably remains in the Tumbler with other equipment until he might need it.

    Complaining that he doesn’t use it again later is like complaining that a movie shows a cop use pepper spray in a scene but he doesn’t walk around using it in the rest of the film — sometimes he’ll use the pepper spray, sometimes the baton, sometimes the pistol, and sometimes the rifle from the trunk of the car, depending on what he needs at a given time.

    So far, almost every complaint I’ve seen on this site is a combination of fallacies and the author just having no knowledge about the subject or just utterly misunderstanding or forgetting things in the film (like the bat-pod, for example). Again, it’s just pathetic to start an entire site supposedly “exposing” errors and problems in a film, and then to have your site consist mostly of erroneous claims and uninformed complaints that end up embarrassing yourself.

Leave a Reply